i just visited the jayson home & garden warehouse sale with kate. in a matter of fifteen minutes, i spent $448. two pairs of wooden antlers. two pillows. united states state placemats. a cardigan with a totem pole on the back. buyer’s remorse? shymer’s remorse!
in other newz, i was walking down the street last night and there was a homeless man singing my girl for tips. the lady in front of me reached into her pocket and dropped a dollar bill into his hat. he stopped the song and sang ‘thank you lady for the money’ and then broke right back into my girl.
when i woke up this morning, i opened my eyeballz and sang: thank you lady for the money.
thank you lady for the money!!!!
in other other newz, i was walking by rock n’ roll mcdonalds when this suburban family passed me and the teenage boy (wearing a letterman’s jacket nonetheless) said ‘oh, look at the strange people.’ immediately offended, i turned around and said ‘go back to schaumburg,’ and then i added, as an afterthought: ‘assholes.’
his response? ‘i was referring to the bronze statues’
ah. you see, reader, outside of rock n’ roll mcdonalds are bronze statues of people. strange people. strange bronze people.
in other other other newz, i got into a cab last night that smelled like hot salami. turns out, the cab driver was eating a hot salami sandwich. i wanted to throw up. but i didn’t. fast forward to 11.25am, and i think a hot salami sandwich sounds good right now. where’s a cabbie when you need ‘em? GO FIGURE!
in other other other other newz, i went out late last night and woke up to find ten glowsticks in my bed. also three missed calls and a message from someone who doesn’t speak intelligible english.
thank you lady for the money!!!
i can’t watch this without dying laughing.
today, i was in line for a really good sandwich for lunch. funny enough, today is national sandwich today. GO FIGURE! i guess over two million years ago* to this very day, the earl of sandwich developed the sandwich. and thus, two million years later to this very day, i’m patiently waiting in line for my favorite sandwich: a prosciutto and mozzerella panini. paying homage to the earl of sandwich for his fine contribution.
the sandwich shop also serves gourmet salads. i glanced up at the salad menu and above it is a sign that says: ‘get salad updates on twitter’
that really made me laugh. salad updates on twitter.
which reminds me of a joke. why did the tomato blush? because it saw the salad dressing.
N E WAYZ… one of the ladies in front of me got handed her sandwich (wrapped in paper) and she put it in her pocket. i thought that was weird. putting a sandwich in your pocket and then taking it out later to eat it. and then putting any leftovers back in your pocket. gross. later, as i was exiting, i saw a woman carrying a salad in a gap bag full of clothes.
GO FIGURE!
*i just am so bad at math, and couldn’t find anywhere on-line the exact time ago
