today, i deleted over 35,000 emails from my email system. it was not too long ago that i had to do the big delete as well. it’s nice, in a day packed full, to be able to just sit and watch a little blue bar slowly delete 35,000 pieces of correspondence. i wonder if there is anything important in those emails as they flash by my eyes. ‘thanks so much for making the pig eyes, heidi....
it’s like taking the tundra and running it through your hair– sounds very sensual and adventurous
it never fails that extreme home makeover will make me cry. it’s the kind of cry that is totally unexpected, totally raw, and totally makes me feel guilty when i think ‘do they really deserve that amazing new kitchen? lucky dogs’ but tonight, as i watched, i couldn’t help more-than-usual tears. it was the same uncontrollable emotion that occured when i watched...
if you can do that with someone, you’ve done everything practically except...– jeff corney
today, i look a little amish. you see, my electric razor, which doesn’t get a lot of use, ran out of batteries (i was going to say ‘it ran out of juice this morning’ but then i thought: i don’t really like that slang). i only was able to shave my moustache. therefore, my beard is heavier and darker than my moustache causing me to look amish. it also didn’t help that...
oksana my cleaning lady
i gave my cleaning lady, oksana, a bottle of perfume in addition to her check. she was coming over to my house today at two to clean. at 2.07, my phone rings, and she’s on the other line telling me: ‘Gra-HAM, thank you for gift! Gra-HAM, I love this gift! Gra-HAM, I love you! Thank you for gift! I am going to go clean now.’ i’m sore. i’m tired. my eyes hurt. but that...
your family is single handedly supporting a magician’s career– amalie drury in response to me talking about my family’s favorite magician
today, a lady in a bicycle passed me. she was wearing a long paisley throw, wrapped around two or three times around her body. it had purples and pinks and blues and greens and yellows in it and long fringe. the fringe flapped in the breeze and gently bounced off of her body. she looked like a giant peacock. riding a bicycle. she also had electric red hair, which didn’t help combat the...
really? i thought you pronounced it cream day la cream.– a mother to her daughter at cvs
i've gotta hand it to you.
while driving out to naperville the other day, i was really shocked at the number of gloves on the side of the highway. gloves. work gloves. black work gloves and army work gloves with elastic trim. and probably khaki work gloves too. but here and there, gloves. i wondered if there were hands still in those gloves and then i decided to stop thinking about that because it’s not a pleasant...
yesterday, i had a glass of water and it tasted like capezio dance shoes. my sister sarah is a dancer. my sister sarah just moved to austin, texas. my dear friends jeff and chance and i went to austin, texas over memorial day weekend. chance now lives in los angeles. los angeles is where my boss, ann song, lives. my favorite song is ‘a case of you’ by joni mitchell. last week, i bought...
orange you glad you came back?
i honestly have not been to this place for a good 2 and a half years. i walk up to the counter and order: ‘stir fry vegetables, please.’ i walk down the line. the lady piles orange chicken into a styrofoam container. ‘a little bit more,’ the guy in front of me says, reaching inappropriately beyond the glass, twisting his wrist down and pointing to the heap of orange...