my family went to church in the gymnasium for easter. the same gymnasium where i went to high school. i was sitting there trying to take in the homily, and all i could think of was ‘go big blue!’ and ‘wildcats! wildcats! fight fight fight!’ it didn’t help any when our priest—in an effort to show how happy we should be that jesus has risen—made us do the wave. the...
last night, my family went to dinner with old friends that used to live on the same street in st. louis. i learned that my parents used to have crazy karaoke parties in our basement. i also learned that i can recall vivid details of our neighbor Vatia Flach (she was exactly like catherine o’hara’s character in beetlejuice). and then there was the weird, rich family who lived on the...
try one of these. doesn’t it look like dog food?– elise schmitt about her rice crackers
he is so pure, i feel like an old vampire woman around him– an old vampire woman
last night, i jumped my car battery. by myself. sweaty palms. dirty hands. hood up. yeah, man, i’m a regular bad ass. so i left the lights on in my car. and the battery just ran down. ran down all the way to nuttin’ honey. at first, i called land rover roadside assistance. they were sending someone. but they took 2 hours to get there. in a tow truck. that couldn’t fit in the...