this morning, meredith (viera… is there any other one i talk about?) turned over a swine flu story to a correspondent who was live in the us department of health. the entire time watching him furrow his brow about the pandemic epidemic, i thought: wouldn’t it be funny if in the background all of pop culture’s favorite little piggies were being shoved into a room with a big red...
i know i’m tan, but i’ve never seen tan like that– samantha saifer
a walk to the corner store and a runaway bus
this past weekend, in michigan, i took a walk with my niece francesca to the corner store. i was wearing jean shorts (that i just made), a big plaid sweater and birkenstocks. she was wearing a little mermaid one-piece bathing suit. it had a tutu-skirt in scale like cut-outs. she had crocs on too. our mission: skittles. it was 8.00am. we walked along the gravel path, her holding my hand and...
i wanted to hang it higher, but i have vertigo– well, that makes sense then.
feelin' hot; hot: HOT
every week, the commonwealth plaza weekly newsletter is slipped—whoosh!—under my door. i love when i’m in the other room, and all of the sudden, i hear it slide into my foyer*. i run to the door and peer out the eyehole, anxious to catch a glimpse of the mystery mailman. i imagine some little condo association elf that magically runs down the hall distributing the newsletter each week. rosy,...
i need another black boyfriend like i need a hole in my head– my new buffalo buddy
my goal in the next three months: to get on nbc-5 chicago’s dance fridays. no joke. so on friday mornings, at the end of the six am newscast, all the guests, camera crew and anchors dance. they just dance. they shake this morning, rob elgas did the funky chicken. andy avalos workshopped the running man. zoraida sambolin just threw her hands in the air and waved ‘em like she just...
that is why you don’t date a 21-year-old assistant manager at a tanning...– lesson learned
it's very distinct linoleum
so i’m about to sit down (or stand up, as it is) and choreograph this tap dance. the thing about dancing is: well, it runs in the family. the kostics are just movers. and singers. we like to sing a lot and we like to dance a lot. and we do them both moderately well. my grandma always sang and danced. i remember her telling us stories of how her and her girlfriends and sisters would sneak...
it's 6.33 on a sunday and i can't sleep
today i need to choreograph a tap dance. i’m not joking. so i’m doing this talent show for my friend emily who films all of the videos for www.glossedandfound.com and she’s raising money for lukemia research. and she’s doing a talent show and i said i would tap dance. i haven’t tap danced in front of an audience since i played will parker in oklahoma. my senior year...
-hey, just want to say goodbye! -oh, i thought you already left.– the story of my life.
an interview with isaac mizrahi. next week: mary... →
you should watch this full-screen.
i don’t want to rack up your chacha bill. i don’t know how much you...– julie bensman
breaking the glass ceiling, one text at a time
my iphone just changed the following bolded words (via corrective text): ‘meeting marieke at 630 for drinks and then dinner with a PR girl I cancelled on last time I was here.’ to ‘meeting marieke at 630 for drinks and then dinner with a priest girl I cancelled on last time I was here.’ now, that’s a horse of a different color, huh? i’m still laughing, scott.
the dark side
my friend kim just told me that her mother was borrowing a suitcase from her recently and found a condom in one of the pockets. way to go, kim. i bought these condoms in hawaii once that were in bright fluorescent paper wrapping and said things like ‘big kahuna’ or ‘ride the big one!’ on them. i got a huge kick out of them until one day i came home and saw three of them...
i drive a minivan. but i love the clash, so i think it equals out– now that is funny
i took a lot of video on easter. it was a pretty day.
man excited about newspaper again; renewed hope
is it possible that i might have broke my thumb while bowling? 85% of my right thumb is numb. great, i have a numb thumb. and the worst part of it all? i’m a horrible bowler. so was it even worth it to bowl and then get a numb thumb? i did get a $5 off coupon for my next time bowling, so yes, definitely worth it. today, i was reading the paper on the ride to the airport and pleasantly...
it never fails that i always laugh out loud when, during easter mass, the priest takes the pine leaf and sprays water on people. today was especially funny as he turned and flung the water within inches of deacon tom schroeder’s face. deacon tom schroeder was severely startled. the thing about it is: thank god i didn’t turn to catch eyes with my sister emily. thank god my sister sarah...
that’s the great thing: if you laugh at a wedding, you can always pretend...– a man after my own heart
well, come monday morning, i am calling the ups ceo to let them know about how...– she has just a few more things to say
i hope you all in the austin ups office have a nice easter knowing you...– my mom, on the phone to the austin ups representatives (please note: she is never sending ups ever, ever, ever again)
if you don’t like this song, then get out of america– i think she was serious.