is it bad that i like bronchitis? like, there is some sick part of me that likes having mucous in my chest. and when i cough and it sort of dances—it feels, well, a-okay by me. i currently don’t have bronchitis, but really, when i feel it coming on, i’m like ‘fine. totally fine. stay for a bit and just don’t bring strep, and we’ll all be fine. fine.’
and i have to admit that i like the sexy voice that it gives me. and i have to admit that i usually try and update my personal voice mail message on my work phone when i have bronchitis.
in other newz, my mom bought a hat at TJ Maxx the other day and wanted to sew a tory burch button on the side of it. i told her that it was slightly tacky to do that (which came out of my mouth awkwardly because really tacky is the last thing i would think about my mom—unless i’m referring to the dumb painting of that smiling chef in her kitchen). so i told her i thought it was tacky. her reply? ‘well that’s funny coming from the guy who used to sew burberry fabric on his t-shirts.’
in high school. geez.
i would scour the village discount for old trench coats with burberry lining. i’d rip out the lining and then i’d make a bunch of t-shirts. my favorite? a little black t-shirt with a velvet scottie dog applique on which i put a burberry plaid collar. i also made a shirt with burberry plaid on the shoulder.
once, i boldly went to the burberry store with my grey t-shirt with the burberry plaid on the shoulder.
‘well, that’s creative,’ said the sales associate.
i was deflated and never wore it ever again. and when i worked in new york, i would pop all of the chanel c’s off of the hangers they’d send with their samples and make necklaces. pins. potato chip clips. anything really. just gold cc’s and superglue. scott, i should actually send you all of this as i think you would really appreciate the ingenuity.
especially the potato chip clips.